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Monday, 30 April 2012

Mythbusting about Single Parents... About time

Just wanted to share this fantastic article from Gingerbread, an amazing charity which does all it can to support single parents in the UK

Luke, I am your father...

Darth Vader and Son by Jeffrey Brown (7)

I love this. You can get a whole book of these on Amazon - http://www.amazon.co.uk/Darth-Vader-Star-Wars-Chronicle/dp/145210655X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335795566&sr=8-1 I hope my ex-husband doesn't read my blog, because I sooo know what we're getting him for fathers' day now!!

Saturday, 21 April 2012

Weird conversations you thought you'd never have

My ex and I sat down today and discussed our impending divorce.

I couldn't maintain eye contact with my ex-husband up until about four months ago. The sight of him on my driveway, or in the car made me feel sick to my stomach. My throat would ache with tears that someone who I had loved so completely could now be such a stranger to me. My blood would boil that someone could make me so ANGRY. Every time I spoke to him, I'd go away swearing and cursing his mother for ever having borne him.

That all changed a couple of months ago, when we had to meet and talk about eldest's schooling. We went for a coffee, and it was awkward. Eventually I had to ask him the questions that had been on my mind for over a year: Does he think I still want him back? Does he think we could have made it work, if we'd given it more time or waited? What did I do wrong in our marriage that made him leave? Did he ever really love me in the beginning? Does he ever worry that he won't find anyone else who made him feel the way I did in the beginning?

No. No. Nothing, we grew apart. Yes, completely. Those were his answers.

Also, he told me he had worried that he wouldn't find anyone and feel that connection again - then he had it with someone, he thought it was going to work out, but it didn't.

Somehow that conversation had to happen - I had to get those answers to move past it. I drove away and had a few tears, but on the whole I felt free and light and happy for the first time.

Today was more evidence of how comfortable we've become with each other. We chatted about our new relationships, laughed about our marriage and our divorce, chatted about the kids and how we can make it easier for them. We've reached a point where we can admit that we'll always care for each other, always want the best for each other.

Essentially, no matter how angry everyone else seems to be about the end of my marriage, I'm at peace with it. I'm happy, I know it was for the best, and I wish him well.

Sunday, 8 April 2012

CHOCOLATE

CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE

I may have missed it a bit. Nuff said.

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Just needed to share...

That I had my last therapy session today (which was a follow up really, rather than a full on therapy session) and have been officially discharged from the service!! My therapist congratulated me on using the tools I've learnt at CBT to combat some of the things that have cropped up over the last three months.

I look back on the last year, and I can't believe how much things have changed - How much I've changed! I think I've earned the right to celebrate. :)

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

What do you want?

Someone asked me yesterday: "What are you looking for?" I found it a really tough question to answer. Maybe I'm not sure myself? I don't know if I am looking for something - but I know there's stuff I want. I've been thinking about it ever since, and here are some of the conclusions I've reached:
  • I want to fall in love again, properly and completely and a bit scarily.
  • I want to be loved again, properly and completely and a bit scarily.
  • I want me and my children to stay healthy.
  • I want to travel.
  • I want to learn about stargazing.
  • I want to be able to change a spark plug (Do cars still have spark plugs?)
  • I want to not have to worry about money - I don't mind being thrifty, or saving but I don't want to be plagued by money worries.
  • I want next door's kids and dogs to shut the hell up.
  • I want to walk the Brecons again.
  • I want to see my grandchildren.
  • I want to feel safe.
  • I want to always be able to remember all the words to "Summer of '69" by Bryan Adams.
  • I want to not always be thinking about food, or calories.
  • I want to live in France for a bit, and have a push bike with a basket on the front for me to put my baguette from the bakery in.
  • I want my life to be filled with family and friends and laughter and hugs.
  • And beer.